


Distant

by plainwhiteluke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-13 00:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16882062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainwhiteluke/pseuds/plainwhiteluke
Summary: can also be found on my tumblr - plainwhiteluke





	Distant

From the day Amiria was born you and Calum were both in love with the little bundle of joy. She was a perfect mixture of the two of you, and the two of you found yourself obsessed with her little toes and fingers and curly black hair. Calum was determined to turn little Amiria into a daddy’s girl, and during her first months, Calum was close to attached to her. He kept her close to his side at all times, falling asleep on the couch with Amiria snuggled close to his naked chest, always wanting to help feed her and constantly waking up at the smallest of noises she made. He was head over heels in love with your baby girl, and you felt your heart expand with love for him whenever you caught him pressing his nose against her little cheeks or singing lullabies to her in a hushed voice.

Which is why you knew it would be hard for Calum to leave. The two of you knew it would be hard to be away from one another, and Calum spent countless of nights awake and spilling out his worried thoughts about not being with Amiria to you. He hated the idea of having to spend months being absent from her life. But you knew how much he loved touring. You knew what the band meant to him, and how important this dream of his was. So you kissed his soft cheek and told him that it would be okay, that you were going to get through it all. That you’d call and text and FaceTime as often as possible, that you’d record every little milestone that Amiria reached when he wasn’t there.

Amiria was ten months old when Calum left. He held her close to his chest at the airport, his face buried in her hair as he wept. He pulled you close to his side, kissing you desperately as you whispered with your lips still against his. “We’ll be okay, baby boy, we’ll be fine.”

You hadn’t quite anticipated just how hard it would be to take care of Amiria on your own. She had always been an easy baby, never one to scream herself to sleep or one to cry easily. But when Calum left she was a mess. She missed her daddy, and despite her not being able to express her feelings you knew her little heart was aching for him. It wasn’t the same falling asleep wrapped up in mommy’s arms or being lulled to the sound of Calum’s prerecorded voice coming from your phone.

The first month of Calum being on tour was hectic and left you beyond exhausted. Calum was busy with doing his duties on tour, and the various different time zones he found himself made phone calls seem almost impossible. Just the idea of having to go seven more months until he’d be back home made you cry. It was one of those nights when Amiria has screamed herself hoarse and nothing seemed to be able to stop her sobs that you broke down after finally managing to make a phone call with Calum work.

“I don’t know how I am going to make it without you for this long, Cal.”

“Don’t cry, baby.” He had sighed into the phone, the connection poor. “It’s just this first month. Both of you just need to adjust to the idea that I’m not there. You’re an amazing mom, Y/N, it’s going to be fine.”

“I just-“ you were interrupted by Calum’s laughter as the sound of voices filled the background of your phone call, and your heart fell as you realized someone else had gained his attention.

“Listen, babe, you’ll be alright, yeah?” Calum coughed out a suffocated laugh as you recognized Michael’s voice yelling something in the background. “I’m really sorry, but I have to go. We have some things planned.”

You felt the tears burn in your eyes. “Can we-“

“Give Ria a kiss from me, will you?” You heard him shuffle around, his voice growing distant. “I love you.”

The phone call ended before you even had the chance to say it back.

Things got easier, but just slightly. Amiria started to enjoy your embrace and she found comfort in the lullabies sung by the other Hood sibling on the extra difficult nights. But nothing was quite the same without Calum there. Despite both of your families and friends offering to help out a lot, you were still the only one raising her at the end of the day.

You were hurt by Calum. You knew he had to work, and that travelling was his job, but your heart still ached for him to be there by your side. You saw the pictures and videos of him on stage and out exploring new cities every day. You saw the shots of him getting drunk at bars and having the time of his life when you were stuck at home changing diapers and losing sleep. You knew he couldn’t help it, the missed calls having more to do with the time zones than Calum not wanting to speak with you, but you still found yourself slowly falling apart.

Amiria was a month away from turning one when Calum called you for the first time in two weeks, his voice hyper from just getting off stage. You were seated on the couch, watching Amiria as she sat on the carpet, her attention alternating between the TV and the stuffed animal in her hand.

“So what are you doing tonight?” Calum asked, his voice loud and carefree.

“Nothing, really. We’re going to my mom’s house.” You ran a hand through your hair, a small smile tugging at your lips as Amiria giggled. “Listen, we need to talk about Ria’s birthday. I was-“

“Yeah, that is actually why I called.” Calum coughed as the noises in the background grew distant as he moved to a more quiet space. “I won’t make it home for her birthday.”

You felt your heart break at his words. “What do you mean?”

“There’s been a change in the schedule, and I’ll only have two days of instead of five. It’s almost a twenty-hour flight home. I’d just have a few hours with you guys before I would have to fly back.”

“So you just won’t be home to celebrate your only child’s very first birthday?” You felt your shoulders slack.

“You don’t have to make it sound like that, Y/N. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I have a job. I’ve got responsibilities.”

“And I don’t?” You huffed. “I also have a job and a ton of responsibilities, yet I am still here every day to raise my daughter.”

“Hey, you were the one who encouraged me to go on this tour when I said I wanted to stay home with you and Amiria. I am doing my fucking best in trying to keep in touch with you guys.”

“Are you, though?” You asked, your voice raised in anger. “We haven’t spoken in two weeks, Calum. And whenever I have actually managed to get you on the phone during this tour it has been for five minutes before you need to leave to go to some party to get drunk again.”

“That is not fucking fair-“

“Oh, but leaving me completely alone to raise our child is?” You knew you shouldn’t yell at him. But you were hurt and lonely and scared. “I don’t mind that you’re on tour, Calum. You know how much I love and support what you do, but what I don’t like is you shutting us out from your life. You’re not involved in Ria’s life at all anymore. I talk to the boys more often about her than I do with you.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just a lot going on.” He sighed deeply, and you could imagine him at that moment so clearly. Leaning against a wall, head bent and phone pressed to his ear. Black t-shirt clinging to his sweaty chest, black hair damp and curlier than ever. Eyes shut close as he always does in a serious conversation. “I don’t want to argue with you, baby. I just called to propose a solution. I was thinking that since I can’t come home, maybe you guys could come here? I’ll fly you out a few days before her birthday and you could be with me for a week.”

At that, you laughed. “Are you serious? You mean that I should take our one-year-old with me on a twenty-hour flight just so we can tag along on tour? A week on tour is like three different countries, Cal. I won’t do that.”

“But-“

“No. I am not doing that. I have a job I can’t be away from for that long. All of her family except you and the boys is here. I am not doing that to her or to them.”

“Why not? I just want to see her for her birthday.”

“Then you should figure out a way to come home.” You tilted your head backwards and closed your eyes in frustration. “You never bother to pick up a facetime call whenever I try to include you in our life by showing you her milestones. You’re not here, Calum. You’re practically a stranger to her by now. Our families are not, because they’re here. And even when they can’t physically be with her they call and they text and they are involved.”

“But, baby-“

“No. You figure something out, Calum. Because things need to change.”

Suddenly Amiria is up on her feet and stumbling towards you, her arms outstretched for her mama and Calum’s wide smile plastered across her chubby cheeks. You felt the tears well up in your eyes at the sight of your baby girl. “Mama!”

“Is that-“

“I have to go, Calum. Amiria needs her diaper changed.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Why don’t you just call me when you’re ready to be a dad again.”

You threw your phone on the couch, tears burning your eyes as you scooped up Amiria and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. “I hope you know how much I love you, baby girl. Mama’s always going to be here, okay?”


End file.
